The short version: in Korean, politeness is built into the grammar, so a sentence can be correct and still rude. The fifteen phrases below break one of three rules: speech level (casual 반말 to someone who expects polite 존댓말), honorific vocabulary (elders get special words: 나이 → 연세, 이름 → 성함, 밥 → 식사 / 진지), and titles (씨 and 당신 are not the polite “you” learners think they are). Each card shows what a Korean listener hears and the natural alternative.
Korean is often described as the language where you cannot say a single sentence without first deciding who is older. For learners, that is both the challenge and the opportunity: the grammar makes relationships visible. It also means that a perfectly conjugated sentence, with every particle in place, can still land badly because it was said at the wrong level, to the wrong person, with the wrong word for “you”. None of these slips will end a friendship, and Koreans are generous with learners. But knowing them is the difference between being politely tolerated and being warmly welcomed.
The three rules behind every phrase
Speech level
Every sentence ending signals your relationship. -요 and -습니다 are polite; bare endings are casual and reserved for close friends and younger people.해요 / 해polite / casualHonorific words
For elders and seniors, Korean swaps in special nouns and verbs, and adds -시- to the verb.연세 · 성함age · name (honorific)Titles, not “you”
Korean avoids second-person pronouns with anyone senior. You use their title or role instead.선생님teacher / sir / madamPart 1 — The wrong speech level
Why. Learners pick up 반말 from K-dramas and friends and forget that it is the language of closeness. With strangers, shop staff and anyone older, always use -요. The full system is in formal vs casual Korean.
Why. 알겠습니다 (with -겠-) is the standard, respectful acknowledgement at work and in the military; 알았어요 is fine with peers. In chat, 넵 is the friendly-polite version.
Why. For eating and drinking, Korean has an honorific verb, 드시다, used for seniors. Adding the honorific -시- and -겠- makes the offer considerate rather than merely polite.
Part 2 — Words that need an honorific version
Why. 나이 (age) has an honorific form, 연세, used for older people. The indirect 어떻게 되세요 (“how does it turn out?”) is softer than a direct “what is”. Age matters in Korea because it decides the speech level, so the question itself is common; the form is what shows respect.
Why. 이름 becomes 성함 for seniors. Never use 성함 about yourself; your own name stays 이름: 제 이름은 …이에요.
Why. 밥 (meal) becomes 식사 or, for grandparents, the very respectful 진지; 먹다 becomes 드시다 or 잡수시다. “Have you eaten?” is a classic Korean greeting, so this one is worth getting right early.
Why, and an honest caveat. The National Institute of Korean Language’s etiquette guide advises against 수고하셨습니다 to seniors, and in practice it is used widely anyway. As a learner, the safe choice upward is 감사합니다. More in how to say thank you in Korean.
Part 3 — “You”, titles and names
Why. Textbooks list 당신 as “you”, but Korean simply drops the subject, or uses the person’s name or title. See Korean sentence structure for how subjects disappear.
Why. Replace “you” with a title: 선배님 (senior), 선생님 (teacher), 형 / 누나 / 오빠 / 언니 for older friends.
Why. Workplaces use surname + title + 님: 김 팀장님, 박 부장님. Given name + 씨 is for colleagues of similar or lower rank, and surname alone + 씨 (김 씨) can even sound condescending.
Why. 저기요 is the universal “excuse me”; 사장님 flatters the owner; in casual eateries, regulars often call the staff 이모 (auntie). Ordering phrases are in how to read a Korean menu.
Why. Men call older men 형 and older women 누나; women call older men 오빠 and older women 언니. All four imply closeness, so do not use them with strangers.
Why. A rising 네? is the quick polite “pardon?”. 말씀 is the honorific word for someone else’s speech.
Part 4 — Two gestures that speak louder than words
A sense of proportion. Similar sound taboos exist too: the number 4 (사) sounds like 死, death, so many buildings label the fourth floor F. Younger Koreans treat most of these lightly, but they matter with elders, at funerals and at family events.
The cheat sheet
| Instead of | Say | Rule |
|---|---|---|
| 얼마야? (to staff) | 얼마예요? | level |
| 알았어요 (to boss) | 네, 알겠습니다 | level |
| 마실래요? (to senior) | 드시겠어요? | honorific |
| 몇 살이에요? (to elder) | 연세가 어떻게 되세요? | honorific |
| 이름이 뭐예요? (to senior) | 성함이 어떻게 되세요? | honorific |
| 밥 먹었어요? (to grandparent) | 식사하셨어요? / 진지 드셨어요? | honorific |
| 수고하셨습니다 (to boss) | 감사합니다 / 먼저 들어가겠습니다 | honorific |
| 당신 | drop it, or use name / title | title |
| 너 (to older) | 선배님 / 형 / 언니… | title |
| 민수 씨 (to manager) | 김 팀장님 | title |
| 아줌마 | 저기요 / 사장님 / 이모 | title |
| 오빠 (from a man) | 형 | title |
| 뭐? | 네? / 다시 한번 말씀해 주시겠어요? | level |
Check yourself — six situations
Choose what you would actually say.
연세 is the honorific word for age.
알겠습니다 is the standard respectful acknowledgement.
저기요 is the universal polite “excuse me”.
Men say 형 to older men; 오빠 is used by women.
Surname + title + 님 upward. 씨 is for equals.
Names in red are associated with the dead.
Speak Korean people are comfortable hearing
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Learn Korean with Hanguljo - FreeQuick reference
- Three rules
- Speech level (반말 vs 존댓말), honorific vocabulary (나이→연세, 이름→성함, 밥→식사/진지, 먹다→드시다), and titles instead of “you” (선생님, 선배님, 팀장님).
- Pronouns to avoid
- 당신 (confrontational or spousal in speech), 너 to anyone older.
- 씨
- Polite among equals; upward use surname + title + 님.
- Kinship terms
- Men: 형 (older man), 누나 (older woman). Women: 오빠 (older man), 언니 (older woman).
- Taboos
- Names in red ink; one-handed giving to elders; 4 (사 ≈ 死).
Frequently asked questions
Is 당신 a polite way to say 'you' in Korean?
Not in conversation. Although textbooks translate 당신 as 'you', in speech it is mostly heard in arguments or between married couples, so it can sound confrontational. Koreans usually drop the word 'you' entirely, or use the person's name or title (선생님, 선배님, 팀장님).
Can I call my boss by name + 씨?
No. 씨 is polite among equals and toward juniors. For a manager, use surname + job title + 님: 김 팀장님, 박 부장님. Surname + 씨 alone (김 씨) can even sound condescending.
How do you politely ask an older person's age in Korean?
Say 연세가 어떻게 되세요? 연세 is the honorific word for age (나이), and 어떻게 되세요 is a soft, indirect way of asking. 몇 살이에요? is for children, friends and people younger than you.
Is it rude to call a woman 아줌마?
It can be. 아줌마 means a middle-aged or married woman, and many women find it dismissive. In a restaurant or shop, say 저기요 (excuse me), 사장님 (to the owner), or in casual eateries 이모 (auntie).
Why shouldn't you write someone's name in red in Korea?
Traditionally, the names of the dead were written in red, so writing a living person's name in red can suggest death. Many Koreans, especially older people, find it unsettling. Use black or blue for names.
- 국립국어원 (National Institute of Korean Language), 《표준 언어 예절》 (Standard Language Etiquette), 2011 — guidance on titles, honorifics and greetings such as 수고하셨습니다.
- Sohn, Ho-min (1999). The Korean Language. Cambridge University Press — the standard reference on Korean speech levels and honorifics.
- National Institute of Korean Language, Standard Korean Language Dictionary (표준국어대사전).